Dear Married Christians

Dear Married Christians,

I will abandon my usual sarcasm for this particular post.  The following I write in all earnestness:

Singles need you.

This is something that is rarely argued against but is, in my experience, something that is rarely practiced.

You see, when I say that singles need you, I am not referring to one half of your husband/wife relationship.  I don’t merely mean that the single females need married females in their lives, nor that single males need married males in their lives.  Though this is true, it is only a portion of the truth.

The fact of the matter is, we need both of you.


I need good, strong, Christian brothers in my life as much as I need my sisters.  And, while few would disagree with this fact, it seems to be a philosophy that crumbles upon marriage.

Now, I am not suggesting that I hang out with married men all by my lonesome.  I’m not asking for coffee dates with married, engaged or otherwise taken men, nor am I requesting midnight motorcycles rides with anyone.  I don’t want to disrupt or otherwise endanger family time.

However, I want to see how my peers operate in their marriages.  I want the input of men and women in my life, both single and married.  I want to hear thoughts and opinions from both brothers and sisters in Christ.  I want true, familial fellowship.

There seems to be this idea circulating about that married Christians can only spend good, quality time as a couple with other couples.  And, perhaps, it is a fallacy of the singles’ own making.  When friends get married, single people tend to back off for a bit.  It’s not because we want to shun or otherwise exclude them; it’s simply because we don’t understand their schedule.  We don’t want to interrupt or destroy their precious time together as a family.

However, that doesn’t mean we don’t want to spend time with them.

Personally speaking (though it is a thought shared by several of my single Christian friends), I want to interact with both genders.  As a single female, I get a lot of “girl time” as it is.  I’d like to interact with my brothers as well, whenever appropriate.

We have so much to teach one another.  And, even if we can’t teach, we can encourage.  There have been countless times in my life that I have been encouraged or just made to think by one of my sisters in Christ.  And, there have been just as many times that a brother in Christ has inspired me to consider things in a new light or encouraged me in Scripture.

We need one another.  We need to interact with and encourage each other as the body of Christ.  And that is something that is true regardless of our marital status.



About Chelsea

"Hey, they say you're a natural. True or false?" "I just..." "Answer the question." "True, I guess." "Correct." -Ash and Kristofferson (Fantastic Mr. Fox) I allegedly have a way with words. I'm testing this theory. Right. Now. View all posts by Chelsea

6 responses to “Dear Married Christians

  • Stan

    Chelsea, being single isn’t that bad. Use your singleness to grow deeper in a relationship with your real husband, Jesus Christ.

    it’s what i’m doing, i’m a guy 🙂

    • Chelsea

      I’m fine with being single. I wasn’t lamenting that. I was concerned about the tendency I see in some married couple to restrict their interaction to other couples rather than integrating singles into their lives. I think it’s important that we all learn from each other and support each other, which is something that can happen whether single or married.

      • Stan

        I think on one hand its a matter of protecting the marriage. Two people want to interact as one unit, having to speak with a person who is by themselves makes it tough. Marriage is tough as it is with making sacrifices and learning not to be selfish etc. However in such cases with a single person and married couple two people can’t exactly enjoy being themselves without worrying about how their other half might respond. It might pit the husband or the wife or place them in a situation where they’re not exactly on the same side of a topic or they differ in opinion.

        It generally leads to someone sleeping on the floor, haha, and a bit awkardness with differing views. And use a little bit of imagination, put yourself in such a position, in my head I’m juggling the idea that the way I used to speak as a single person might not be the best way to speak when you’re married.

      • Chelsea

        I agree that married people have a responsibility to their spouse to maintain integrity and protect their marriage. I’m not asking to be allowed to intrude on family time, interrupt the flow of their lives or pit them against one another. However, I do think that both married and single Christians should be able to interact and have healthy relationships with one another in order to build one another up in Christ. There shouldn’t be segregation simply because one person doesn’t have a spouse.

        Marriage doesn’t make you and your spouse an island. Outside interaction may not happen with as much regularity as it did when you were single, but it should still occur. And, when it occurs, including single friends as well as married friends is something I’d personally like to see more of in Christian circles.

        Anyway, it’s not really something that I am going to argue about. As Christians, we should build one another up, correct, encourage and love one another. That is something that can happen whether married or single.

      • Stan

        I like your response.

  • Stan

    Sorry if i came off too strong

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