Dear People Sitting Next to Me in the Coffee Shop

Dear People Sitting Next to Me in the Coffee Shop,

First of all, Calculus Student, the phrase, “The person with the highest grade in the class gets a uhhundred,” kind of makes my brain hurt. It’s one hundred or a hundred. Not uhhundred.

To the Study Buddy of the Calculus Student, I find it hard to believe that the idea of curving a grade is so incredibly foreign to you. Maybe you haven’t had professors who have used the blessed grade curve, and if that’s the case, I have to say, you’re missing out. Get new professors, ASAP.

And you, Lady Who Wants to Lose Sixty Pounds in Twelve Weeks, you just admitted that losing more than two to three pounds a week is unhealthy. Also, it’s not realistic. The less you weigh, the harder it is to lose weight because your body burns fewer calories with every pound lost. I encourage you to keep up the hard work, but know that it won’t always result in the exact numbers you’re looking for.

Also, Man Sitting With the Lady Who Wants to Lose Sixty Pounds in Twelve Weeks, you may have lost more than three pounds a week when you were sick, but that doesn’t make it a good idea. Also, the boxers you know who lost ten pounds in a day were likely just flushing water weight. Encouraging someone to have a goal like that is insane.

I’m sure you guys hardly care, and I obviously can’t give my two cents in person. But these conversations were bothering me.

I hope you are comforted in knowing that I do in fact listen to all of you. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Chelsea