Tag Archives: work

Dear Coupon Holders

Dear Coupon Holders,

You have in your hands a piece of paper with quite a bit on information on it. Each coupon in the coupon book issued by my company has the name of the product for which it is intended, a photograph of said product and the amount of money you will save if you use the coupon.

It also has one more piece of vital information: the date range for which the coupon is active. This date range is printed on the front of every coupon book, as well as on each individual coupon. It is highlighted in a color different than the background to emphasize its presence. Really, there is no missing it.

I know the books were sent to your home a week or two before the coupons begin. Believe it or not, this is not a ploy to trick you into coming into the store early to purchase items at full price. Some people like to plan their shopping lists. Some people like knowing what’s on sale before the sale begins so they don’t buy those items in the wrong time frame. Some people want to receive coupons earlier rather than later.

So, please, do not get frustrated with me if you have shopped using coupons that are not active yet. You meticulously combed through the issued coupons to find each and every item you could possibly want; you probably saw that date range twenty times during the process.

Also, please do not ask me to risk my reputation and my job for your benefit. Even if I had the power to magically make the coupons work on dates earlier than the ones listed, I wouldn’t do it. I don’t own this company, I don’t make the rules and it’s not my place to choose which rules are worth following. I cannot imagine how much trouble I would be in if I gave into your requests. Your asking me to “help [you] out” in this instance is basically asking me to risk being fired so you can get two dollars off a bag of chips.

Thank you for your time. I look forward to helping you in the future. As long as you’re not asking me to do something that goes against my conscience.


Dear Coworkers

Dear Coworkers,

I just wanted to apologize in advance for exposing you to the contagious chest cold I’m sure I’m coming down with. Though it has yet to fully unleash its terrifying, chest-wrenching reign over me, I have been assured by the person who exposed me to it in the first place that it’s really awful.

I typically only call into work if I have a fever or am vomiting. As neither of these symptoms have occurred, I do plan on completing all of my shifts this week. However, as far as I know, this nasty bug doesn’t cause the aforementioned symptoms, so I may be contagious even without vomiting.

I must work my shifts this week. Once again, I apologize.