Tag Archives: salt

Dear Rhett Butler Salt Shaker (a requiem)

Dear Rhett Butler Salt Shaker,

I first saw you on the shelf of a thrift store with you counterpart, the Scarlett O’Hara Pepper Shaker.  I was initially apprehensive about buying you, but when I saw your 65-cent price tag, I felt it was too good of a deal to pass up.  You have been a part of my life ever since.

Until tonight.

The night was coming to an end.  I was about to turn in when I decided to grind some coffee.  If only I hadn’t been set on having a delicious, homemade, coconut-mocha frappuccino in the morning, you might still be with us.  However, I did grind the coffee and as I pulled the coffee grinder off of the counter to put it away, you became caught in its cord and fell to the floor, landing in a heap of shattered plastic and non-iodized table salt.

I feel a great sense of remorse in losing you.  If only I hadn’t been so haphazard with the coffee grinder.  If only I had put you away when I was finished using you earlier in the day.  If only…if only… My regrets run deep.

I’m not entirely sure how Scarlett O’Hara Pepper Shaker will react when I tell her the news of your demise.  You have been her constant companion for many years.  I imagine that she’ll say something along the lines, “Where will I go? What will I do?” which are questions to which I don’t have answers.  I also wonder what I will do with one less salt shaker in my life.  However, I have a feeling that, as you sit shattered in a garbage bag on the curb outside, your response will be a bit different than hers or even mine.  Your bitterness at being so poorly loved and so poorly taken care of is probably taking over.

In fact, my dear, I feel as if you frankly don’t give a…well, you know.

Sincerely,

Chelsea

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Dear Tastebuds (part two)

Dear Tastebuds,

You and I have had quite the tumultuous relationship. In fact, I began this blog by writing a letter to you requesting that you return home after you had left in a fit of rage.  This letter is different, however.  In this letter, I’d like to kindly ask that you back off.

I try to treat you right.  I really do.  Yes, there is the occasional boiling ginger tea incident.  And, yes, over the years I have subjected you to the horrors of various curries, jalapeños, homemade sports drinks, and most recently, about half a teaspoon of straight citric acid.  But, none of these actions deserve the treatment I am currently receiving.

Your growing sensitivity to salt is something I can no longer handle.  I am now unable to eat any food that has been over-salted and eating fast food has become a bit of a chore.  Anything that is a little high in its sodium content now seems to be inedible to me.

I ask that you calm down and allow me to eat salty food if need be.  I am not asking to be able to do this all the time; I just need to be able to swallow some food if it happens to be saltier than usual.

Thank you in advance for complying to my demands.

Sincerely,

Chelsea