Tag Archives: money

Dear #OccupyDallas

Dear #OccupyDallas

To adapt a worn-out Internet meme: Protesting: you’re doing it wrong.

I absolutely agree that the outsourcing of jobs and various other practices commonly performed by corporate America are unfortunate and have certainly contributed to our hardships as a country. However, I am concerned with your lack of proposed direction.

A protest generally works in this way: A hates the way B does something, so A lets B know that he isn’t going to take it any more. A tells B that he should change in ways which will make A happy.  B may or may not comply.

For instance, people protesting the current war might do something like this:

A protest village in London, June 2010

You’ll notice that their signs plainly state what makes them unhappy and what changes would make them happy.  This is where you have failed miserably.

There are hardships.  The American economy has been poor for years. Companies are sending jobs overseas because they can’t seem to see beyond their shareholders.  This is all very true, and it might even be something to get worked up about.  However, declaring yourself the 99% and marching with no demands helps no one, including your own cause.

The problem here is that no one knows what you want.  We all recognize that you hate that the 1% controls things.  We know that many of you haven’t been able to find jobs or have had to suffer without cable for two years.  We understand that corporate greed seems to run our country.  However, you have come to the table with a thousand complaints and not one solution.

How in the world do you expect to get what you want when even you don’t know what that is?

There is no way to make your current movement happy.  Every movement should have an objective of sorts and the only one yours seems to have come up with is, “The majority of us does not agree with the minority, but the minority has more money!” which is less of an objective and more of a rambling T-shirt slogan.

The fact of the matter is that you will never succeed if you continue on in this manner.  The success of a movement is determined by the reaching of certain goals.  You lack discernible goals and will therefore find it difficult to ever feel that this movement was successful.  As of right now, it just sounds like you’re a group of people whining about first-world problems while you secretly hope for government-mandated wealth redistribution (which, by the way, never works out quite the way people think it will).

Please stop protesting until you can intelligently define your terms.  After that, you may proceed in your demonstrations.  This is, after all, the land of the free, where people can speak, write, act, protest, run their businesses and make money in just about any way they please.



Dear @BarackObama

Dear @BarackObama,

I’m going to ignore the fact that much of what has caused this deficit has been the government’s poor choices over the last century and just address the most immediate issue: the ridiculous amount of tweets you sent out today.

I understand that you are passionate on the issue of government deficit. I am also passionate about this issue, so I feel we have something in common. However, I can’t help but notice that you are a little one-sided in finding a solution to this looming problem. In your speech on Sunday night, you repeatedly stressed that the problem that we all face isn’t so much the deficit as it is the Republicans’ refusal to admit that the Democrats’ plan is the best one. This attitude has continued on Twitter.

In your tweets, you continuously call for compromise. You use that exact word: compromise. Your first tweet on the issue said:

The time for putting party first is over. If you want to see a bipartisan#compromise, let Congress know. Call. Email. Tweet. —BO [sic]

You then tell your followers to tweet their Republican Congressmen to encourage compromise on this issue. What I find interesting is the fact that this is not compromise. This is actually encouraging one opinion to change to the opposing opinion.

I’m not the only one who feels this way. As it turns out, a certain Mr. Webster sees things the same way. In his dictionary, the word “compromise” is defined as:

a : settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions

b : something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things

See, what you are describing isn’t compromise; it’s bullying. If you truly wanted compromise, you would also be encouraging people to write to their Democratic Congressmen as well.

The fact is, you seem to just want things the Democrats’ way. That is understandable, but everyone must realize at this point that no one really has a good answer to this problem. The solutions that each party have come up with are not perfect and will likely not actually end our debt crisis. It’s fine that you like your party’s plan, but if you are actually interested in compromise, you might consider hashing out a solution that each party can somewhat agree with rather than letting pride for Democratic ideals dictate your every move.

I ask you to please cease and desist the bullying of the Republican party. I don’t necessarily agree with them either, but their representatives have as much of a right to vote for a plan as the Democratic representatives. You need to think first about the people of your country rather than your personal affiliations. The time for putting party first is over. I heard that somewhere.

Thank you for your time. I trust that you will understand the severity of this situation.



Dear Anonymous Credit Card User

Dear Anonymous Credit Card User,

I’d like to congratulate you on your line of credit! However, I do have some rather bad news: you seem to have acquired this credit card by using my identity.

I’m not mad at you; I just find you puzzling. I ordered a credit report this morning and was surprised and perplexed to discover that I had had a valid credit card back in 2007. Now, the account was only open for three days, and it appears that nothing was spent. While this is a relief, it also makes the situation all the more confusing.

Who are you? Why would you open a credit card account for three days? How did you get my information? And, did I forget to ask who are you?

I will be awaiting your reply most eagerly. I am quite interested to know what caused you to act in this way.


Dear Easter Candy

Dear Easter Candy,

I am in the midst of a tumultuous love-hate relationship with you. I love your sweetness, your chocolate-covered goodness, your this-doesn’t-even-taste-that-good-but-it-reminds-me-of-my-childhood-and-I-can-only-get-it-during-the-Easter-season quality. I could speak for long minutes about my ability to eat an entire package of Whoppers Robin Eggs in three days (and I’m not referring to the puny milk cartons, either), about how Reese’s Eggs are ultimately better than any other Reese’s product found during any other time of the year, and about the fact that, though entirely disgusting, sometimes I just want a marshmallow-filled chocolate egg.

I love you quite a bit, Easter Candy. I don’t know if it’s because my mother always went to great lengths to ensure her children would go into diabetic comas come Easter evening by constructing elaborate baskets for us. It might be because my grandmother always, always, always bought large bags of SweeTarts Bunnies, Ducks and Chicks (which everyone knows are far superior to normal SweeTarts). It might even be because my various Sunday School teachers shoved altogether gross Easter candy at me on Resurrection Sunday (which really distracts from focusing on Christ, but that’s another issue entirely). I’m honestly not sure of the exact reason why I love you so much. When I ponder about this, all my brain is giving me is visions of my great-grandmother, really weird marshmallow candies and the aforementioned SweeTarts products, so I suppose I can chalk it up to nostalgia.

My love is clearly genetic. Just last night, my father told me that, “Your mother went into some sort of trance on the Easter aisle at Wal Mart and bought about twenty pounds of candy.” This indicates to me that I may never be entirely free from the affection I have for you, Easter Candy. Personally, I am unashamed in my love for you, and I don’t care how long it lasts.

However, despite the love I hold for you in my heart, there are two areas of my life that are not pleased with you and all of your sugary goodness: my waistline and my wallet. My waistline is not particularly appreciative of the fact that a peanut-butter-filled egg jumped into my hand as I walked through the grocery store last week. It is similarly dissatisfied with the ridiculous Easter Candy Feast I had about a month ago involving myself, three days, a Reese’s Egg, a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs and a bag of Whoppers Robin Eggs. It has decided that you need to go.

My wallet is also throwing a fit. The fact that I cannot walk into any grocery store that sells you without donating at least a dollar to some sort of filled egg or rabbit is annoying my wallet quite a bit. And, I have to admit, it makes a good point.

It is for their sake, my waist and my wallet, that I feel we need to spend some time apart. I love you, as you know, but it isn’t entirely healthy for me to be around you all of the time. I must bid you a temporary adieu. It will be difficult, but it is necessary.

Thanks for all of the memories and lovely, sweet goodness.


P. S. If all goes well, we can arrange a secret meeting. This Sunday. At the Easter basket my mother has no doubt thrown together for me. Be there.

Dear Internet

Dear Internet and People Who Use the Internet,

You are a strange, strange place (and strange, strange people). The fact that my friend and I can make a blog about wanting various material goods and you respond by actually giving us money is silly. But, I’m not turning it down.

Thanks for all the support.