Tag Archives: dog

Random thoughts from one of the most emotionally wearing weeks of my entire life

  • The amount of times I’ve had to tell myself, “It’s really none of your business; you don’t have to have an opinion on everything.” in the last week is astounding considering the fact that I am, in fact, a 26-year-old woman who manages to keep old friends, make new ones, and maintain a decent relationship with most of my coworkers and family members.
  • Really the fact that any one of us puts up with the rest of us is the common grace of God in His understanding that His creation needs companionship.  Because, really, we’re all such self-centered messes.
  • I trust people’s philosophies way too much and their motives way too little.
  • I would really, really like a dog.  A great, big, floppy dog who I will name Theodore or Remus or Paddington or something.
  • I absolutely have some of the most devoted, kind, loving, patient, wonderful, and dear friends in the entire world and I’m very glad the Lord has placed them in my life.
  • I find my brain to be buzzing more and more with useless and absurd imaginary conversations simply because I’m so used to thinking constantly. This week has been so crazy that my brain wants to be quiet but habit dictates that I fill the void with something.  These aren’t even conversations that I expect or want to have; they’re more like A Word from Our Sponsor filling the space between thoughts.  I think maybe I need to learn to sit quietly, mind included.
  • I’ve had such sweet conversations this week despite the tossing and turning of my mind.  It has been quite wonderful, really.
  • Sometimes, sleeping on a giant pillow and a giant stuffed bear really does make most everything better somehow.
  • Astoundingly, I don’t have to continue to feel as if I’m responsible for the actions of others.  I’ve known this for awhile, but it’s just now sinking in.
  • I have a friend who has two sisters and the three of them are essentially best friends and it’s really the most lovely thing.  I wish I saw that sort of sibling affection more often.
  • The Lord really does come through with His promise to progressively sanctify His children.  He equips, He chastises, He encourages, He loves.  Utterly phenomenal.
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Dear Car Owner/Apartment Resider

Dear Car Owner/Apartment Resider,

Your apartment complex is right beyond my backyard, so I feel I can make these allegations with confidence.

Every morning your car alarm goes off. Every. Single. Morning. The only reason for this that my roommate can come up with is that you forget where your car is every day, and therefore set off the panic button in order to find it. If this is indeed the case, I suggest buying a magnetic board, drawing your parking lot on it and placing a fun-shaped magnet of your choosing wherever you’ve parked your car at night.

I’m not entirely convinced that this is the case, however. I’ve come up with some alternative theories as to why this phenomenon occurs every morning, as well as some advice for how to solve your obvious problem.

1.) You’re actually a cloven-hooved creature.

Cloven-hooved creatures don’t have thumbs, so pressing the lock/unlock buttons on your car’s remote might end in you setting off the alarm. And, obviously just using the key isn’t really an option. In fact, I’m assuming you have to start your car by remote as well. My solution for this is to invent some sort of key-holding/key-turning claw that attaches above one of your hooves so you can open your car door manually. You’re clearly a smart cloven-hooved creature, as you have the means to buy a vehicle with an alarm system. Surely you can invent this device as well.

2.) You’re a secret spy sending secret messages to a secret agency.

Perhaps you are in trouble, or you’ve lost your secret spy signal, or your agency just doesn’t believe your messages, but I have to say, hearing the same message every morning is getting a bit tiresome.  You might try mixing it up a bit to get your agency’s attention.  For instance, instead of saying, “Help! I’m trapped and there’s no one here to rescue me! Also, I’m dangling over an octopus tank!” you could instead send out the message, “Free doughnuts to anyone who responds!” or “Who’s up for calamari?” You will probably get a better response that way.

3.) Your dog has ingested your car remote.

I understand this can be a sticky situation, both literally and figuratively.  I also realize that pressing blindly on your dog’s stomach in order to unlock your car every morning will probably result in you pressing the wrong button from time to time (and also possibly cause the occasional dog mauling).  However, I really think you should see either a veterinarian or a car-remote-removing specialist of sorts.  This is not a job for an amateur.

I hope my advice for the preceding situations is well-received.  If any of those situations applies to you, please take advantage of this consultation free of charge.

Also, please stop setting your car alarm off every morning.  It’s really annoying.

Sincerely,

Chelsea


Dear Owner of the Car With the “Dog is my copilot” Bumper Sticker

Dear Owner of the Car With the “Dog is my copilot” Bumper Sticker,

I wish to congratulate you on owning such an impressive animal. The fact that your canine friend is able to act as a copilot is incredible.

I do have some concern for the safety of this, however. As you probably know, dogs lack opposable thumbs and are thusly unable to grasp the controls on an airplane. Also, I feel that whatever board regulates copilot certification might be alarmed upon hearing that your copilot is a dog.

I’m sure you have checked into the necessary regulations, but I still have concern for both the safety of you and those in vehicles around you. Please look into this pressing matter.

Sincerely,
Chelsea