Tag Archives: Christmas

Dear Kris Kringle

Dear Kris Kringle on the 1970 Christmas Classic Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town,

You, sir, are a complete jerk.

I know, I know: you have probably never heard that before.  I’ll give you a moment to absorb that phrase before I continue.

Moment’s up.

You really are awful.  Yes, at the beginning of the TV special, you offer to take toys over the mountain to the children of Sombertown, but that is where your selfless generosity ends.

When you learn that Mayor Burgermeister Meisterburger has made the possession of toys illegal and punishable by imprisonment of entire households, you don’t take measures to ensure that Burgermeister will be thrown out of power, nor do you help the people of Sombertown.  Instead, you sneak toys to them, toys which will have entire families thrown in prison.

I don’t really understand your motive in all of this, honestly.  You don’t make the toys; your decrepit adoptive family does that.  You were never a toy maker to the king, so you won’t get any feeling that justice has been served from your endeavors.  Your forcing illegal objects on poor, monochromatic children is baffling.

Also, the way in which you talk to people is rude.  I understand that you were raised by elves who all share the same voice actor, and you may find the depth and variety in your own voice a bit shocking, but you need to tone down the obnoxious jerkitude when speaking to children…and Jessica…and when monologuing.

Really, you should only speak that way to Burgermeister.  He deserves it.

I wish you the best and I hope you can overcome your own pompous, obnoxious ego long enough to not get small children thrown in prison.



P.S. Not jerky, but creepy: When you insist that children you don’t know at all sit on your lap and pay the “price” of a kiss on the cheek in exchange for a toy, it’s just a little weird.  Stop that.

Dear Christmas-Eve-Day Shoppers

Dear Christmas-Eve-Day Shoppers, I understand that various circumstances have thrust you into the unfortunate position of last-minute shopping. I respect those circumstances and everything you have gone through. However, I think I speak for all members of any customer-service-based operation when I say this: I am not to blame for your stress. I have been here all season, helping customers find items. Today begins the eighth day in a row that I have worked. I’ve been pulling full-time hours when I’m a part-time employee. I have been helpful and nice and will continue to be so through closing hours today. Considering all of that, please keep in mind that whatever circumstances put you in this understandably stressful position-be it a forgetful spouse, a tyrannical employer, a late paycheck or simple laziness-were not caused by me or any of my fellow employees. Therefore, I’m requesting hours before my work day begins that you act nice and cheerful and friendly. Or at least refrain from being rude.

And please don’t do that thing where you talk to me like I’m not a human being. I haven’t had that happen in awhile, and I’d prefer for things to stay that way.

I thank you for listening to my request. Have a wonderful Christmas!


Dear World

Dear World,

Every year, you grow increasingly insistent that the pinnacle of the celebration of Christmas is the giving and receiving of material objects. Every year, there is an emphasis on giving being greater than receiving (although we all know good and darn well that people are naturally selfish). Every year, songs about being in love at Christmastime, walking throughout the snow and welcoming a fat, bearded creeper who parents use to control their children throughout the year (“Santa’s watching!”) are prevalent.

It seems that the whole lot of you has missed the point. Even those that tout the “season if giving” stance have missed the point. The point of this celebration isn’t to be kinder to those around you or to give to one another; the point is Christ.

This may sound cliche to many (though I promise I will never write “Jesus is the Reason for the Season” on anything, ever), but it shouldn’t be. The point of Christmas is to celebrate Christ, to recall with all seriousness the sinful, wretched state into which I was was born and from which I was saved.

Prior to Christ, I was a God-hating, wretched girl drowning in my own sin. There was nothing good in me. But, because of God’s goodness and grace, Christ was born into this world. Fully God and fully man, He was perfect. He died and was resurrected, taking on sin that I may have right standing before the Lord. Because of God’s grace, my eyes were opened and I was given the faith to believe, and my nature was changed. Because of Christ, I am able to fellowship with God. I owe Him everything. I can never give Him enough.

It’s often brought up during the holidays that I should remember Christ. Most people seem to think that just means thinking about a baby in a manger. What it truly is is a time to celebrate the grace God has given me by sending His Son to die that I might live in communion with the Lord.

Please try to remember this.


Dear Paper Snowflakes

Dear Paper Snowflakes,

I don’t know who decided you would be a good idea, but they were right.

I love you.