Dear Current Employer

Dear Current Employer,

You have on the walls of the breakroom a list of employees who are first aid and CPR certified.  I am appreciative of this list as it allows me and the rest of your employees to locate someone who might be able to revive a person in severe trouble.  I’m sure you are confident that this list is more or less complete.  You are wrong.

You see, I too am both first aid and CPR certified.  I occasionally work for a nanny agency, and it is required that I maintain certification in order to watch children.  However, I would ask that you not jump the gun and put my name on the list.  This may seem a puzzling request, but I assure you: letting others know that I’m certified would not be a wise move.

No, I’m not some sort of CPR ninja who is forced by oath to keep her secrets.  I am also not an overly modest, life-saving machine who rescues multiple people a week with her superb first aid skills.  In fact, the reason I have not offered my services to you or any of my fellow coworkers is far less glamorous: I am simply not confident that I could properly perform CPR on anyone. Ever.

The problem is this: the CPR class I took was a scattered and packed three-hour formality adhered to so I could start my then-assumed posh life as a nanny.  I was definitely more focused on the hopes of higher wages, a relaxed dress code, and flexible hours than I was on learning the ABCs of CPR.  Though I am truly concerned with the health and well-being of those around me, I do not feel this brief overview of techniques was sufficient to teach me to save another person’s life.

Yes, I worked for over an hour attempting to breathe life into a plastic dummy.  I absolutely followed all of the steps that were given to me, and probably could have passed a test on the subject later that day or even the following day.  However, this is the type of information that withers and dies when left to rot away without practice in the corners of the mind.  And, let’s face it: properly breathing into someone else’s mouth to revive them isn’t exactly something most people practice daily.

So, yes, I theoretically know how to perform CPR.  However, I have absolutely no confidence that any of my training will come back to me if someone were to have some sort of traumatic episode.  As a result of my own inadequacy in this area, I choose to politely decline any offered inclusion on the aforementioned list.

I also may begin declining jobs which entail watching children who have a large chance of ceasing to breathe.

Thank you for your time and understanding.  I wish you the best in finding people who have proper training.

Sincerely,

Chelsea

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About Chelsea

"Hey, they say you're a natural. True or false?" "I just..." "Answer the question." "True, I guess." "Correct." -Ash and Kristofferson (Fantastic Mr. Fox) I allegedly have a way with words. I'm testing this theory. Right. Now. View all posts by Chelsea

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