Dear Blankets and Other Assorted Bedding,
The ways in which you came into the possession of my roommates and myself vary greatly. Some of you were given to us, some were made for us, some were purchased at Ross: Dress for Less, some are so old I honestly have no idea where you came from and are currently being held together with safety pins, and some magically appeared in our house, your origins being a mystery to us.
However you came to us, I am entirely grateful for you all. Right now, since our heat is out in a drafty, old house and Dallas is experiencing the third day of a blasted ice storm, you have come in handy in more ways than we could have thought.
To those silk sheets that were given to M.: thank you for covering our kitchen and living room windows to keep the drafts out. This nearly makes up for the fact that you are too slippery to actually be used as sheets.
To the mystery sheet: you appeared out of nowhere, matching absolutely nothing. No one claimed you and no one loved you. But, now, as you block the drafts that come into the living room via the front door and the rest of the house, we appreciate you greatly.
To the afghan that T. dislikes severely: you are no less appreciated than the mystery sheet, as you are blocking out the cold air from the hall.
To the pillows under the afghan that T. dislikes severely: you materialized when M. and I shared a room. We looked in the corner of our room and there was a mysterious pile of pillows that belonged to both no one and everyone. After cleverly naming your group The Pillow Pile, we promptly forgot about you. Until last night. You are currently taking up the afghan’s slack, blocking the drafts in places where the afghan falls short.
To the foam bed toppers: you’re doing a great job insulating us from that sliding glass door. Keep on doing what you’re doing.
And, finally, to the millions of blankets that covered us last night as all five of us huddled in front of the fireplace attempting to not contract hypothermia and die: thank you, thank you, thank you.
On the behalf of the roommates, I say: we are entirely appreciative of all of you and wouldn’t have been able to insulate the living room and survive without you. I thank you profusely. Let’s hope this ice storm doesn’t last much longer so you can return to fulfilling your intended purposes.