Dear Jake Gyllenhaal,
I haven’t seen you in many films, but every time I do see you, I just see Donnie Darko. The way you carry yourself always seems to scream “Donnie!” I feel a little bad for you. You may forever be branded as that weird kid with the giant rabbit for a friend.
Try to walk a little less like Donnie, ‘kay?
P. S. That whole you dating Kirsten Dunst thing freaks me out. She looks like your sister, man. Not okay.