Dear Ballet Class,
I have a bone to pick with you. I only took you for a year, but in that year, I was dead-set on being the best dancer in every class. I devoted hours to practicing tendus, chaine turns and perfecting my por de bra. I stretched for hours a week, wore my hair in a painful bun for class and learned to put on fake eyelashes for a performance. I loved you ballet. And I still love you, which is why I’m writing you today.
I would really like to go to a certain Christmas-themed ballet performance involving a terrifying man-doll-kitchen-appliance thing and a rat king. However, because all ballet teachers everywhere find it necessary to force music from this performance on their students at Christmas time, I don’t know if I can handle the music. I’m slightly paranoid that hearing “The Waltz of the Flowers” will reinstate my nervous eye twitch because of the amount of times I was forced to dance to it two years ago.
Why must you turn what should be a joyous night at the theatre into something so horrific? Why, Ballet? Why?
Please respond soon. I’d really like to know the reasoning prior to attending said performance.