Random thoughts from one of the most emotionally wearing weeks of my entire life

  • The amount of times I’ve had to tell myself, “It’s really none of your business; you don’t have to have an opinion on everything.” in the last week is astounding considering the fact that I am, in fact, a 26-year-old woman who manages to keep old friends, make new ones, and maintain a decent relationship with most of my coworkers and family members.
  • Really the fact that any one of us puts up with the rest of us is the common grace of God in His understanding that His creation needs companionship.  Because, really, we’re all such self-centered messes.
  • I trust people’s philosophies way too much and their motives way too little.
  • I would really, really like a dog.  A great, big, floppy dog who I will name Theodore or Remus or Paddington or something.
  • I absolutely have some of the most devoted, kind, loving, patient, wonderful, and dear friends in the entire world and I’m very glad the Lord has placed them in my life.
  • I find my brain to be buzzing more and more with useless and absurd imaginary conversations simply because I’m so used to thinking constantly. This week has been so crazy that my brain wants to be quiet but habit dictates that I fill the void with something.  These aren’t even conversations that I expect or want to have; they’re more like A Word from Our Sponsor filling the space between thoughts.  I think maybe I need to learn to sit quietly, mind included.
  • I’ve had such sweet conversations this week despite the tossing and turning of my mind.  It has been quite wonderful, really.
  • Sometimes, sleeping on a giant pillow and a giant stuffed bear really does make most everything better somehow.
  • Astoundingly, I don’t have to continue to feel as if I’m responsible for the actions of others.  I’ve known this for awhile, but it’s just now sinking in.
  • I have a friend who has two sisters and the three of them are essentially best friends and it’s really the most lovely thing.  I wish I saw that sort of sibling affection more often.
  • The Lord really does come through with His promise to progressively sanctify His children.  He equips, He chastises, He encourages, He loves.  Utterly phenomenal.
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About Chelsea Clark

"Hey, they say you're a natural. True or false?" "I just..." "Answer the question." "True, I guess." "Correct." -Ash and Kristofferson (Fantastic Mr. Fox) I allegedly have a way with words. I'm testing this theory. Right. Now. View all posts by Chelsea Clark

4 responses to “Random thoughts from one of the most emotionally wearing weeks of my entire life

  • writingbolt

    You sound like the “glue” friend. The one that holds the circles together. The “let’s not give up the ship!” friend. The “Hey, why don’t we get together and work this all out over a drink/snack?” friend. And, yes, you are lucky to have all those relationships. But, are you bottling all of these little voices in your head? Or, DO you voice your opinions and get smacked? Are you first starting to discipline/punish yourself from people calling you “judgmental”? I can tell you the racing dialogues only get worse with age:P But, I would think you’d suffer them less for having what you call great friends. I didn’t have the same luck all these years. It’s been more me against the world. Many days I am all I have. I am the only one who can accept/put up with me.

    • Chelsea

      Oh, man, it sounds like you may be reading someone else entirely into my writing :). I don’t really feel up to much explaining, but rest assured the above thoughts can be taken at face value without any underlying malicious intent on the part of my dear friends. I am sorry you feel that it’s you against the world; I don’t have any answers, but I do hope that improves for you.

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